


It's so dark right now

by Wretched



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wretched/pseuds/Wretched
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alison doesn't know what else to do except disappear. Too bad Emily has feelings about Alison leaving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's so dark right now

It's so dark right now,I can't see any light around me. That's because the light is coming from you. You can't see it but everyone else can.  

Lang Leav

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------

No one would miss her. 

Alison was so unwelcome. Her soul ached with the exhaustion of explaining her every move. No matter how small. Her friends, the people she risked everything for, had all but thrown her to the spiders. If she was going to fight, she wanted it to be the actual enemy, not her so called best friends. 

Alison bought a bus ticket, not paying attention to the location or how long it would take to get there. All that mattered was leaving, putting as much distance between her and here. Coming back to Rosewood was a mistake. She was alone among loved ones, and it was far worse than actually being alone. 

Saying goodbye was pointless. The girls ignore her texts, her calls and even her pleas in the hallway. Never did Alison believe she be begging and pleading for her friends to listen. Wistfully, she remembered the days they hung on her every word, always listening to what she had to say, often too closely.

This was it. An over stuffed green duffle bag packed with everything she needed. As Alison idled in the door frame, she glanced back at her bedroom.

The room she worked so hard on. She picked the colors and the furniture. She did her best to make it here and to make it her home. The place where she could leave all her masks at the door and pretend none of her plans existed.

  
She worked so hard to get back here, and now she was working harder to get away. The memories bad, good and unfortunately stuck to replay inside her brain. Her gaze settled on her bed, drawing a shaky breath, these memories were the one she dreaded and adored most.

Every sleepover she spent the dark nights trying not to stare at Emily. The innocent kisses they shared like childhood sweethearts Alison wished they were. The lust filled kisses, the same kisses Alison tried using to tell Emily, don't leave me, don't let me go. And the kisses that made Alison want so much more. A future. A lover. A home. 

Bitterly, Alison smiled. She can see herself, young and confident, sprawled out on the bedspread and writing all those honest words about her mermaid -- about Emily.   
Only to have her kernel of hope kicked out of Alison with a black steel toed boot. Leaving her bruised and aching with every malicious blow. The perils of growing up, Alison thought, you see the world for the cold planet it really is.

Before she let herself fall into that vortex of regret and more, she closed the door -- to her room, to Alison Dilaurentis and to every fucked up decision she had made. 

The front door slammed shut. An accident with Alison's hands full with her bag and somewhat unfamiliarity with her home. The slam made it sound so final. She was leaving this house, but would this house ever leave her?

"Going somewhere? " Emily asked her voice tundra-chilled, her brow in a frown, and her arms folded across her chest. 

Alison still facing the door, took a deep breath, blowing the air with excessive force, hoping the extra room in her lungs could give space for her to hide in. She didn't know what to say. She wasn't prepared. This is exactly what she wanted to avoid. Alison didn't want to have to say anything. 

Saying goodbye much less saying goodbye to the one person on the planet she wished to hold onto forever was never in her itinerary for tonight.

No words could explain how she felt. How much sorrow and pain coursed through her veins. Even if she could find the words, her throat was so dry, nothing above a whisper would emerge. So she did what her legs would allow and hurried past the brunette.  
Alison was able to keep her face blank and forced the pain far down into the abyss of her stomach, her head would not bow, not this time- not ever again.

"Ali, please don't, " All the ice gone from Emily's voice, the taller girl knowing the blonde wasn't going to respond to hardened Emily. 

Alison made the mistake of slowing, wanting to savor Emily's soft and almost warm words. Emily grabbed Alison's duffel bag and held the straps in a strong grip.

Frustrated, she wanted to be gone already, Alison tugged back. Between the two of them, Emily was stronger and in a fit, Alison released the bag, watching Emily stumble with it.

"What?" Alison snapped. "What's so important that now you pretend to care?"

"Ali," Emily whispered.

Tears wavered Alison's vision and she hated the weakness. Stubbornly, she focused more on not letting them fall than listening but Emily was displaying a message on her phone. A message from a familiar blocked number: 

Looks like Queen B is leaving. Where's your leverage now? -- A

Alison's legs wobbled under her. A was never going to let her leave. She was going to be stuck in this neverending hell until someone killed her. Shaking, Alison sat where she was. Folded her legs underneath her and lost herself in the nightmare that was her life.

Her sobs came as a surprise to her. Alison didn't want to cry, but now she can't not. She had no one. She had nothing. A was going to keep her here and it was just damn ironic two years ago she would have given anything to be in Rosewood with her loved ones.  Her breath was hard to catch, her tears now ragged sobs. 

This is what she hated most. Helplessness. (She couldn't hate Emily, no matter how many times she repeated it.) The brunette, without hesitation, collapsed beside her and gathered Alison in her embrace. 

Alison struggled against the embrace weakly, for half a second before Emily invaded her senses. After that it was too easy to duck her head against the brunette and cry for miseries. Emily, even with all their bad history, still had a way of making Alison feel like she was finally home. A place she was wanted, at least for the moment. 

Just like that, Alison could breath, her heavy heart lightened as if pumped with helium. Her tears trickled to a stop. Nothing hurt in these stolen seconds. All that existed was Emily's steady heart beat, the sweetest song,  and her scent, a mix of girl, perfume and chlorine.  

Alison remembered why she loved everything about this girl: her scent, the way her skin would shine, most of all how she just melted into her like they were two perfect puzzle pieces. This girl was an angel. The lavender  bubbles to her bath and without her, Alison didn't feel human. 

"I won't let you leave, not like this," Emily squeezed Alison a little harder. 

"It's been four weeks," Alison whispered, her voice almost too hoarse to hear.

"What?" Emily asked, confused by the first thing Alison decided to say. 

"You haven't spoken to me in four weeks," the blonde's voice so delicate, shivers crawled up her spine like a snake, reminding her they are still outside. 

For four weeks Alison had hugged herself and spent the nights huddled in a ball. Her phone so quiet she had forgotten it.

Alison sat on the edge of her couch, not daring to be too comfortable. Emily was in the kitchen making tea. Alison closed her eyes picturing the upcoming events. With Emily things never went as expected. Alison hoped this time she could control the situation.  

Emily re-entered the room with two steaming mugs. She placed Alison's in front of on the coffee table. Alison grabbed the mug, her mind still whirling on how to get control, and she needed the extra minutes to think. Emily stayed quiet, taking a seat next to her. After a few minutes of sipping honey filled green tea with the silence hurting and feeding Alison's anxiety, she had to finally say something. 

"Emily, I'm sorry I messed your life up," her jaw tensed as she raised her eyes to meet Emily's brown ones.

Emily, moving slowly and carefully, took Alison's mug and interlocked their fingers. The brunette inched closer, their heads leaning against each other in a kitten nuzzle. A small smile invaded them both. 

"I can't live with or without you," Emily said, pushing her head against Alison's playfully. 

"Please, don't ever give up on me," Alison begged.

She didn't need her other friends. She didn't need her thick skin. She only needed the girl who held her splintered, little, damaged heart to never, ever give up on her. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted on tumblr as Wretched10.


End file.
